nothing makes up for failure

i had half a muffin. it tasted horrible, it made me feel horrible, but i couldn't stop myself. i had a glass of water, then purged it all.
even that didn't make much difference to how i felt.
its not worth eating.
it makes me feel horrible.
disgusting.
i don't even deserve to eat.
it won't even make me happy.
i won't be happy until every pound of fat is gone from my body, and i am empty.
i need to see my beautiful bones.
i'm so dirty.
filthy.
fat clings to me like a life sucking parasite, literally siphoning my life away.
i'm not living, i'm dying slowly.
i'd rather starve myself to death, and be beautiful, than live in fat, ugly unhappiness like this.
i'm not even living, i'm just barely existing.
once i'm thin, empty and pure i'll be happy.
even if i'm dead.

perfection is everything

i must become perfect.

perfection is the only thing that matters.

perfection is being thin, empty and pure.

i will do anything necessary to achieve perfection.

i am the only thing between myself and being perfect.

any pain i endure brings me closer to perfection.

hunger is imperfection leaving my body.

i must be able to control my body in order to become perfect.

eating is giving in to my body and being weak.

i deserve nothing more than air and water.

a strong, beautiful mind leads to a beautiful body, and perfection.

pain means i am strong.

pain means i am becoming perfect.

all that matters is perfection.

i will starve all the imperfection out of my body.

i will become perfect if it kills me.